DOCTOR WHO: ‘THE BIG BATTLE OF WHATEVERITWAS’

It’s clear enough the Doctor most needed by that series finale,was a script Doctor. So, rather than run through the same basic errors all over again, why not try to give it some emergency resuscitation?

i) The planet that drives you mad wasn’t such a bad idea, except all it does is give the Doctor a mild headache – not really much of a payoff. (“Bugger, I forgot me Anadin!”) So let’s say only one of them has to hand over their sanity saving MacGuffin to the NotJedi. (Maybe they have just one spare. I don’t really care why TBH.) Despite Yaz’s protestations, the Doctor insists it must be her as being all Time Lordy she should last longer. Even though she has to do some clever tech stuff to save the day, possibly involving the polarity of neutron flows. Of course she starts to succumb mid-way through the operation, becoming paranoid of those around her, telling them to keep away. Yaz manages to sneak in close, takes her MacGuffin and slaps it on the Doctor’s head. Then insists she be restrained – and quickly. She’s lashed to a post and raving as the Doctor finishes her work. Doesn’t recover till job done.

ii) We first see Tim Shaw slumped, attached to tubes. Like so many things, it was then forgotten about. It should have been kept up. Though he has those mind-powered followers ready to carry out his every whim, even defying the laws of physics, he’s become physically weak, a chessboard King. Due to the teleport/ passage of time/ some other thing. This infuriates him as it clashes with his warrior code of manly derring-do, and naturally he blames the Doctor. It’s his ravings the NotJedi have taken for prophecy. Their Creator was due to return to purge reality of corruption. Tim Shaw convinces them this means the whole universe must go, starting with the Earth, and by protecting it the Doctor’s the cosmic antagonist – effectively the Devil. Many of his instructions are Kurtz-like crazy but dutifully carried out. We see the residue of these.

iii) After the danger is averted, after promising faithfully not to, Graham locks the others behind him and goes after Tim Shaw. He’s goaded to kill him, told he’s not brave enough to do it etc, but at the last moment promises him a worse punishment and puts down the gun. Now deprived of his followers, Tim Shaw’s become a pitiable creature. He’s left alone on a planet of ruins, and serve him jolly well right.

BBC Execs, I think this proves I’m a better scriptwriter than the one you currently have. On the other hand, so are both of my cats. And I don’t have any cats.