This
is still the silly season, right?
You
know what they always said about the Sixties? That if you could
remember them you weren't there? Whereas with Eighties, it's those
who want to remember them who weren't there. There was not a whole
lot to do back then, except to wait for dole cheques to arrive or the
internet to be invented. Plus there were only four TV channels, so
instead we used to form bands. Some people said they did this as a
means of protest against the Thatcherite tyranny which pedagogically
imposed itself upon our lives. But I think the real reason was that
it was something to do with your hands. For example, I myself had two
hands and I was in two bands. It all went something like this...
The
best way to describe my first combo might be via the famous Buzzcocks
lyric: “We came from nowhere/ And we're heading straight back
there.” Fair enough in itself. But we figured we could cut out that
whole middle man.
'Liverpool
Explodes', a chronicle of punk history in that fair city,
had just come out and been read enthusiastically by myself and my pub
drinking mates. It recounted a scene built around a central notion,
that music was only of any real use as a jumping-off point for daft
art projects and Dadaist provocations. So practitioners would
endlessly configure and reconfigure into outfits with an absurd and
ludicrous name, some absurd and ludicrous stage attire and perform
under some over-arching absurd and ludicrous concept. This was to be
performed for one night only, then everyone involved was expected to
start from scratch again. Any variance from this was, in the parlance
of the day, “rockist”. Bands that tried to go on to do a second
gig would be met by punk picket lines.
We
considered this and decided it was a bit extreme. But only a bit, and
that was where we came in. The weak link was clearly that first gig
business. Cut that out and you remove even the possibility of a band
performing a second. Problem over. So we formed a band with the
concept that the less we actually did the truer to
the purity of our vision we were. We'd sit around and discuss what
sort of band we might be, in the most abstract and conceptual terms
we could muster. We'd ponder, for example, the prospect of our having
a name. Not, I hope you understand, consider names for possible use.
Most certainly not! Instead we'd consider whether considering the
possibility of a name was a violation of our most vital principle or
not. Then not decide anything. Then buy more drinks.
We
weren't, you see, part of the system like bands who had names and
instruments assigned to individual members, or for that matter
agreement on who those individual members might be. Instead our
philosophy was, if you're not doing something you could
be doing anything – inactivity sets you free. It was only much
later I discovered that, thinking along similar lines, the Residents
had figured the way their new album would sound the best would be to
give it a release date of never. Everyone was then at liberty to just
imagine the way they wanted it to sound. They based this on the
Theory of Obscurity devised by N Senada, a
Bavarian music theorist who they had made up.
Besides
most bands never rise above the level of pub talk anyway, never get
as far as all the sweaty business of lugging amps to rehearsals or
the writing stuff down involved in booking gigs. So we already had
those music-making bands outnumbered. If we kept
up the not doing anything, we might be bringing the whole music
industry to a grinding halt. Our way was clearly better. Mostly
through being easier.
We
kept this up on successive Saturday nights for many months. When I
think back, it was our earlier work which was the best. In the
beginning it was all about the not making any music, and later that
just seemed to change somehow…
My
second band were formed after I'd moved to Brighton, out of the
inhabitants of my student house. You could still get grants in those
days, and perhaps reflecting such enhanced purchasing power this time
we had instruments. I suppose what I should have done is invite my
original bandmates to come down to Brighton and picket one of our
sessions. But alas I didn't think of that until just now.
Some
of these were even musical instruments - an
acoustic guitar, an electric bass, a harmonica and drums. Though by
strict definiton the drums were really the pots and pans from the
kitchen. And this distinction came to light when the poor soul who
had to share the house with us came in to say he was in full support
of our musical endeavours, but could he at least have a couple of
pans to make his tea with. We complied and left that bit on the
session tape. To cut it out would have been commercial.
In
fact so far had I come on my musical journey that we even had a name
– The Search for Gravity Waves, the title of a Physics textbook
which sat on the shelf. We were supposed to take a different name
from a different textbook for each different session, but somehow the
Search for Gravity Waves stuck. Perhaps it was just too good a name
to pass over. Or perhaps we were just too damn lazy to look a bit
further down the shelf.
I
was chief vocalist and songwriter. I expect we decided that to not be
commercial. If it was that, it bloody worked. My material ranged from
surrealist imagery to social realism to stuff I'd just made up. We
were particularly proud of 'Everybody Does the Washing Up in
Hollingdean Terrace', a salute to the excess cleanliness of
our humble abode.
Our
tracks were played on the local radio. But only because we played
them. We talked ourselves into a slot on the student radio station,
where we'd play the work of our musical heroes then our own stuff,
and defy people to tell the difference. Nobody could. Probably
because they weren't listening in the first place. But the point
still stood.
Our
model this time wasn't Liverpool punk but the Velvet Underground.
They hadn't been popular in their day, but their music had later
become highly influential. So if we were even more
unpopular – and in our case even we didn't think
we were any good – then it followed logically we'd go on to have an
even more legendary status. We were destined for greatness, that much
was obvious.
Now
it may be objected at this point that Search for Gravity Waves are
yet to achieve greatness. As you might have noticed, we seem
strangely absent from Eighties nostalgia shows. But I reckon we still
might make it. In fact, now I come to think of it, the pension plan
is pretty much dependent on that...